Wednesday, November 25, 2009

MOVIE: Against The Dark

Once, when I was a young cook in a seafood restaurant, I spilled four hundred degree cooking oil all over my right foot. The dead flesh came off in ribbons. Which nurses has to briskly scrub it off, without any form of painkillers, until only healthy flesh remained.

Watching Steven Seagal's Against The Dark was even more painful than having my skin boiled off. I'll continue to carry scars for years from both wounds.

The movie is about a couple of black-garbed hunters (led by a bad-philosophy-rambling Seagal) that prance around boldly killing pseudo-zombies while angst-ridden teen survives struggle to survive the unexplained outbreak that has befallen their city.

The plot was ungodly trite, lacking anything even remotely original. The writing would have to aspire to be amateurish. Dialog and acting took turns proving which could be more juvenile, mediocre, and disappointing. Even the fight scenes were laughably pathetic. By laughing I mean, "It is funny that anything can be this craptacular and still be taken seriously by anyone involved in its production or release."

I could only stomach fourteen minutes of it before uncontrolled palsy-like shaking affected my hands and blue spots appeared in my peripheral vision.

I'm sad to say there are no redeeming features about Against The Dark. The fact that somebody took the time and spent money to create this mongrel turd of a movie speaks volumes about the state of Hollywood. Fortunately, it appears to have been a direct-to-DVD production and no theaters had to be sanitized after showing it. Unfortunately Blockbuster has a couple of copies stinking up its shelves. I've petitioned them to send all copies to Gitmo, to replace waterboarding.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

MOVIE: Boondock Saints

With the release of V2.0 pending this week, I thought I'd mention how much I enjoyed the original Boondock Saints. Not surprisingly, most folks missed the first one. Didn't make too many prime-time airings on SpikeTV. And the theatrical release probably lost money. However, it is something of a cult classic with a big underground following.

The movie takes place in the bowels of Boston. Lots of colorful accents to be found. The action revolves around the adventures of the Irish meatpacking brothers Murphy and Connor McManus and their quest to rid the world of crime and violence by killing all their local criminals. Along the way, they're joined by a colorful, opera-admiring detective (masterfully played by Willem Dafoe!) and the villainous fossil Ill Duce (in the form of Billy Connolly.)

The Boondock Saints is an extremely violent, bloody, profanity-filled flick. Folks sensitive to such elements should avoid it at all costs. I, however, loved it. Fairly original plot with unexpected twists. Unique writing and fantastic dialog (though most of that credit is due to the excellent use of vulgarities.) Enjoyed the action. LOVED every scene with Willem Dafoe. I even memorized the prayer and chanted it for a couple of weeks after I first saw it.

Fans of Pulp Fiction or Snatch will enjoy this. Younger couples who like to party would probably enjoy this. Kids should NOT be allowed within viewing distance. And it is well worth a rent. Can probably even be bought at Walmart for $5 in the Value Bin.

Monday, November 23, 2009

MOVIE: All The King's Men

Based on a 1946 Pulitzer-winning novel by Robert Penn Warren, and spearheaded by drawling Scamitician James Carville, All The King's Men had a big list of star-caliber actors and a lot of hype buzzing around it. Unfortunately I don't think it lived up to much (if any) of its promise. And it paled next to the novel.

The acting was impressive, especially Sean Penn's portrail of Willie Stark. Jude Law did a good job, too, but he was too pretty and needed to get his face messed up a bit. I also enjoyed the dialog. But the pacing often dragged. The plot could have shown more depth. And the conclusion could have been something other than underwhelming.

Don't think any couples would find it an interesting date flick. Kids won't dig it. But I think it would make for a nice rental on a slow night, especially if you can find it in the $2 bin at Blockbuster.

Days bleed into weeks

I blink and the days bleed into weeks. Suddenly I haven't written in almost a month. Fortunately, nothing big prevented me from posting anything. Just sheer laziness.

Hoping to pick back up on the productivity binge. Trying to knock out some major projects. Hope to keep up the activity in the gym. Made it four times last week and shooting for five times a week. Hope to continue the development of the non-profit. Doing more demos lately and almost done making The Lightning Bug street legal. And trying to spend more time with the family on the weekends. Enjoying the time with the kids while I still can.

Back to the regularly scheduled program...

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Visit Tech-boy Liam

Hi people, this is Jon's son, Liam. I'm just welcoming you to visit my website at