Saturday, October 17, 2009

MOVIE: Shoot Em Up

I think this movie broke a new record for me: Shortest viewing ever.

Here is what I could gleam during the three minutes and seventeen seconds that I suffered through this vommit inducer of a flop: In Shoot Em Up, some dude named Smith delivers a baby in the middle of a firefight. 

I shut the film off at that point for several reasons including: 1) The initial plot is so horribly unbelievable that there was absolutelly no chance I would be able to swallow anything that followed, 2) Within seconds it violated my simple objection to one character being able to take on hundreds of enemies with automatic weapons, 3) The protagonist didn't reload between several thousand shots, 4) It was clearly an ultra hokey modern take on a "pulp" adventure.

I've heard from others that they consider it a "fun movie." I didn't. I didn't think the DVD would even make a fun drink coaster. I'm offended that it will eventually be used as land fill. Maybe teenagers will dig it if they've had enough Mountain Dew. Possibly a big hit with convicted felons and other incarcerated individuals who can either get frisky with their cellmates or watch this movie. But I'm not sure who else would enjoy it.

I'd advise everyone to treat Shoot Em Up like toxic biomaterial. I washed my hands twice after handling it.
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