Struggles

Having a rough time with Liam. Having to mentally prop him up just to get through the day. Anxiety. Reflux. And sick on top of it. So many struggles for my son. Completely unfair. But hopefully one day we'll look back and think, "Glad that is over with."

Too many struggles for Cindy, too. Doing her best to deal with her own feelings of doubt. And fear. And uncertainty. Overwhelming her at times. Keeps herself together in front of the kids. Almost easier for me deal with all of it. She's always on edge. Having to mentally prop her up, too.

I'm alright. I guess. No parent enjoys watching their child suffer. I'd do ANYTHING to take his pain away. Anything to fix it. Sacrifice everything I have to resolve it for him. It eats me up, not being able to help. Owns my thoughts. Crushes me. Can't train. Can't think. Just want to hold him and let him know it will be okay.

It will. One day. We just have to figure out the right way to deal with it. And put an end to all these struggles.

Marathon Training - Update #5

Shins are much better. After a minor run yesterday, my steps feel more natural. Less off kilter. No real pain today, either. Just a sense of deep-seated soreness. Going to try to put some mileage on my shoes this week. Even if I have to throttle down my (already slow) pace. See if I can do a couple of 5Ks. How my legs feel after that. A month until the NOLA race. I don't want to quit. I don't want to make excuses. I want to finish what I started. Be proud of myself. Set an example for the kids. And prove than an old dog can still learn new tricks.

That's my plan. For now.

Floats, bikes, and a donut

First Saturday of the month is the TatoNut ride. In Ocean Springs. Along the beach. Through a wildlife preserve. Couple of parks. Some cool bridges. Very scenic and mellow. Haven't gone in a while, though. Usually too slow for my tastes. Went today. To see how my legs would hold up.

Started off slow, but picked up quickly. Hum of tires on pavement. Breeze on our face. Sunshine. Meeting new folks and catching up with old friends. Altogether, I thought I did fairly well. Lead the pack of 60+ some times. Broke away and rode the long course (with the steepest hills) not once, but twice. Picked a flat stretch of straight-away and cranked it up to 27MPG at one point. All felt great. No problems with the shins at all.

On the way back, we passed the early stages of the first parade on The Coast, in Ocean Springs. Floats lining up along the seawall. Music already cranking ungodly loud. Riders starting to drink. Unpacking their beads and throws. The parade rolled at 1P. They were starting their preparations at 10A. Three hours of booze and sunlight. Not the best combination. And they PAY hundreds of dollars for the privilege.

Finished the ride. Ate a sugary glazed from TatoNut. Then tried a bit of a run. A trail run, at that! My first challenging steps in almost two weeks. 1.5 miles through the woods. Not much pain involved. Mostly tired from the riding and needing some chow. Felt a bit of a mechanical issue, right foot turning out. But I think the new shoes will help keep that in check.

Feeling much better about my triathlon season. Not sure about the half marathon, though. I'll keep at it, but the shin splits were a major setback to my training. Hoping I can get past it.

At least I have to month to work on it!

One Less Box

Scratched through a rather pleasant To Do List item. Mailed off a package And a letter. One less box cluttering my life. Reclaim some space in my head. Rid of all the empty promises of "One day. One day."

It'll find a good home. Somebody will make use of the pieces from my failed daydreams. Probably do a better job than I would have, anyway.

But it did make me think of Atlanta for a while. My old house. Basement. Things I'll never have again. Tell myself I don't want them. Probably another lie. Makes suffering my fate a little easier, though. So I humor myself with such illusion.

In the long run,  I have an entire graveyard worth of dead memories to bury. I want them all gone. One day at a time, though. I'll get where I want to go, eventually.

Gloomy

Crazy change of course. Cindy and I on pins and needles as of late. Couldn't sleep last night. Felt like I was burning up. But just as I drift off, Liam makes an appearance. Says he can't sleep. None of us were sleeping. Maybe two in the morning that I drifted off. Maybe.

Up at 6A with the kids. No problem with Meg. Usual recent chatter from Liam. But by lunch, the fit hit the shan. Liam calling because his head is full of cement and what drains out is clobbering up his stomach. When we get home, he gets a fever. And is all nappy. Which will fire up Nurse McDougal's pain points.

Then an unexpected bomb blows up at work.  Having to scramble remotely to put all the pieces back together. And a vendor is calling. And coworkers in Las Vegas are calling. And family is calling to check on Liam.

Cindy & Meg dash home. Have a science fair project to cobble together. Usually battle royal there. Comes out nice, with relatively few casualties. The smoke eventually clears.

But we hear from Ye Ol' Reflux, again. Which fires up Nurse McDougal's anxiety.

And to close the night, Meg decides she's too stressed to sleep anywhere other than in my bed. But a prayer and some water and my presence in her bedroom for a half hour calm her down. So everyone is in bed. And even the dog is snoring.

Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully less gloomy.

A Month Of Letters

I don't know Mary Robinette Kowal. Never met. Likely never will. Her in OR. Me in MS. But today I sent her a letter. She's thrown down a gauntlet she is calling: The Letter A Month Challenge. And I'm always fond of gauntlet-picking-uping!

Pretty easy rules: 

1. In the month of February, mail at least one item through the post every day it runs.  Write a postcard, a letter, send a picture, or a cutting from a newspaper, or a fabric swatch.
2. Write back to everyone who writes to you. This can count as one of your mailed items.

So, I picked up a pack of pens ($8) some stamps ($9) and a few writing supplies ($10.) I figure I'll surprise several of my friends with letters. Most of them have probably never seen my handwriting. 


Less than forty dollars for one of MY experiments? That's cheap. And this time I'll be sharing. Seems like a good idea. We'll see how it goes. 


Want a letter? Let me know! I'll send you one.