Knee, Day Two

Another night with an anti-inflammation patch on the knee. Greatly improved. No pain at all. Sat in the back and rocked a yoga class without any impact on my range of motion. All the usual poses, plus a great demonstration of my core and balance skills by doing crow pose. Hopefully a good sign. Will know tomorrow, after an attempt on the cycle trainer. 

Need to keep focusing on the positive. Guessing a panic attack hit me late last night. Woke up from a dead sleep at 0130 with these racing thoughts of failure and a racing heart rate. Couldn't get the thoughts out of my head. Terrible crushing sense of sadness and over-whelming fear. Everything extremely grim and impossible to overcome. Couldn't get my heart right. Nearly woke Cindy. But what would she do? Send me to the ER? Yeah, that's going to happen. Not sure how long it lasted. Half an hour? An hour? Eventually drifted back off. But the damage was done. And it has been a day of self-doubt and dark depression. Just want to train and be happy. Is that too much to ask? Why is it my lot in life to suffer continual setbacks? To get so close to my goals and my happiness, only to have everything pulled away from me after only a taste of what's been missing for so long.

Yes, yes, first world problems. But that doesn't make them any easier to get through. They still hurt. 

Knee, Day One

Fortunately there were some left over anti-inflammation patches from my last tango with knee. Taped it down, slept with it over night, and woke with greatly diminished pain. Less soreness. Walking continues to be fine. Running might be fine, but not risking THAT.  Mowed the grass, instead. Lots of sweat. Some sun on my skin. And one less thing to do.

After that, off to the pool for a mile of laps. Heat wasn't too bad. But nearly forty down and backs makes the mind wander. Gets boring long before you hit the mid point. Then it is a matter of pushing through. Good point is, my swim is fine and the next eight or nine weeks will only make it better.

Third adventure was a trip to the Gulf Coast Youth Orchestra tryouts. Liam was asked to audition and afterwards his instructor said he did very well. Liam said the sight reading was hard, and had sixteenth notes. He didn't think he did very well there. Told him he likely did better than the vast majority of people on Earth could do. He liked that answer.

(Any extracurricular he wants to do will be met with massive levels of support and encouragement. As a Freshman we have to start getting him ready for college applications, and things like volunteerism and highly organized groups like the orchestra will look good when he applies. And of course the grades! He's in ALL HONORS classes, already. Very proud of him and he's got our full support on all his endeavors.)

By the time Liam finished, the temperature was in record territory. We stopped by Sonic for some drinks (Coke Float for him & Strawberry Limeade for me.) While we sat there, the temperature was literally climbing by the minute. What started at 101 ended at 104. And that was in the damn shade!

My night ended with not-enough-drinks at Mugshots. Buddy Rog showed and we had some laughs and some serious conversations about life and moving through it. Ended well. Always does. But my brain got knocked off kilter and things got very sideways and very uncertain pretty quickly. Going to be haunted for a while, now.

We all have wounds. Some heal. Some leave scars. Some stay open. But we conceal them behind as many layers as possible. And they leave us privately in pain for years. Sometimes we can't fix them. Sometimes we don't want to fix them. Sometimes we don't know how.

Reminds me of a quote:

You are not allowed
in my Hell
You must stay in 
your own Hell 

-David Shirgley

Ramble

Need to sleep more. She needs a goal, like a new house, a new baby, a new job, some kind of challenge, something to look forward to, or she's bored and she hates being bored. Pictionary is challenging. Need to keep stretching, it is working! How long before there's no such thing as a television line-up and everything we watch is literally "on demand?" The POTUS needs to give a speech and promise us Ebolacare. Is there anything artistic Meg can't do? Is there any instrument Liam can't play? Farming skills are far more valuable than computer skills.What about the future value of drone repair skills? Do you know what movie would be awesome? Goonies II, where the previous protagonists are grown up and THEIR KIDS have a new, modern quest. Old world puzzles and 21st century technology. If the average life expectancy in MS is 75, then 43 is past middle age. The world needs more puppeteers. Just stay positive. 95% happy. And blessed.

What Next?

Fitness endeavors have not gone well for Your Humble Narrator since Augusta 2013. Few races since. The Rock & Roll NOLA was pitiful. Barely managed to survive Seaside Half Marathon. Slower time for Tradition. Had to tap out of the Gulf Coast 70.3 No races since. But the knee has healed. Weight back down. Strength & conditioning up. Head is clearing. Mood much better. And life is good. So.

What next? Giving serious thought to a late-season 70.3. Potentially the Beach 2 Battleship event. Wrightsville Beach, NC. Many good reports about it. Especially the swim. Supposed to be flat. Supposed to be fun. Just the sort of thing Jon likes to hear.

Started a 12 week running program in anticipation of going. Plan would be to get a month or so of training on the knee to see how it responds. If it does't complain, sign up for B2B. Spend a couple of days in Atlanta. Visit friends. Taper. Then do the event. Reverse the journey. And go from there.

Have to see how it goes. But any progress is good progress.

Liam At 15

Despite having the party yesterday, Liam officially turned 15 today. 

I posted a picture from the party (Whistle Or Lose It!) and wrote:

     Fifteen years ago      I became a father.      Not sure who has     learned or grown more.      But it never stops.      And I hope it never does.      I'm blessed.

A friend said: You look so happy every time you're with your kids.

And I said: Meg is my spirit. Liam is my soul.

They are. Greatest things that ever happened to me. And the most challenging. Sometimes. But more often than not, I'll stick with my simple premise: I'm blessed.

New Positions

Wish the rest of my life were as pliable as yoga. All these new positions out there. Some easy. Some challenging. Let's just try one. If it works, stick with it. If it doesn't work, try it again later. Just breathe. Relax. Gets less difficult. It will happen. Eventually.

And something new happened today: bound side angle pose. Started in a high lunge. Right arm down by right leg. Left arm up. Then the bind! Right arm comes under the right leg. Left arm joins it behind the back And breathe. 

Yeah, that happened. First time. Enjoyed it.

Just keep moving forward, Jon. One new pose at a time. It will happen. Eventually.

Uppers

After multiple unintended delays, Liam finally has braces running along the top. The rest get installed next month. Give him some time to get used to the discomfort of alien steel taking up residence behind his lips. Proud of the kid. Said getting them installed was the easy part. The mold of his mouth was the worst.

Hopefully all downhill from here.

At least until the Tylenol wears off.

Where's Jon?

Rarely enough hours in my days. Hot weather outside. Stormy weather behind my eyes. Work? A ball peen hammer beating a snare drum rhythm against cranium. Kids? Armed with rocket launchers. And they're not afraid to use them. Training? Half-assed, usually. Heart not in it. Head even less committed.

Been doing yoga. Mon & Weds. Followed by new,sweaty adventures in the sauna and the cold dip. Experimenting with more Crossfit. The Jon-shaped sweaty outline provide evidence of the endeavors. Some weekend biking. Some weekend swimming.

Needed time off to clean my head. Probably not clear enough, yet. But time to get back out of this personal funk. Write more. Have more fun with the kids.Stretch more. Train more. See if the knee will cooperate. And shoot for a late-season 70.6. Looking like Beach 2 Battleship. May end up flying solo.

No guarantees. But only one way to find out.

More to come.

Surprises us

Shipping department either delivered the Arc of the Covenant or potentially the biggest server in the data canter. Box had to be nearly four feet high and just a long. Steel straps holding it together. So big it was mounted on its own skid pad. 

After cutting, popping, unwrapping, lifting, and unboxing, we discovered it was actually a modern blade chassis, with two blades. The box was a major illusion and they could have used something a quarter of the size.

Rare that technology surprises us. But when it does, we get caught up in the excitement and whimsy. The lust of revealing the unknown. And HELL YEAH, brand new technology. That sort of adventure never gets old.

Still Progress

Whomever crafted the Jon-shaped voodoo doll pulled out a few of the pins. Stomach improved marginally. Knee feels better than it has in months. Energy levels high. Mood good. Much happiness  Much.

Yoga feels better this week, too. Stronger. More confident. Breath coming more naturally. Remembering the old tips and tricks to help deepen the poses. Forgot how important yoga used to be to me. How it puts you more directly in touch with your own body. Have to make it a routine again. Integral part of overall training. Another piece of the puzzle.

Here's the thing about yoga: There's a constant battle between your body and your brain. Your body is perfectly capable of doing even the most advance moves. But since such things are not exactly EASY, your body sends false signals to trick your brain. And your brain WANTS to agree. If you can focus on your breathing, relax into the pose, and resist the false signals, you'll make progress. In my case the progress with my hamstrings is slow. But it is still progress.

Also added ANOTHER tool to my arsenal: sauna. High doses and repeated exposure is supposed to help muscular development and overall performance during high temperatures. The thinking is: get ready for the furnace of South MS summer by pushing my body through multiple 30min sessions in the sauna each week, post-workout. Going to try in over the next four weeks and see if it helps at Sunfish.

If nothing else, my hamstrings will be more flexible and eight pounds of sweat will be left behind.

Straight In The Gut

Strange things afoot at Chateau McDougal. Woke this morning and a small but angry fut began to punch me straight in the gut. Felt it mainly below the naval and off to the left.

Either strained something while working out last night (not likely) or it is a diverticulitis attack (ugh!) For the uninitiated, that is an infection due to a piece of SOMETHING getting lodged and infected somewhere in the colon. Had a major attack in 2003. Not looking for a repeat.

Couldn't stand the feeling while walking around the house and decided it was wisest to work from home rather than deal with it at the office. And nobody wants to hear me complaining about sharp abdominal pains.

By lunch time, a megadose of Ibuprofen had taken away most of the pain. With some luck it will be gone in the morning. Already caused me to miss a workout (biking) today. Supposed to run, tomorrow evening. Can't fall further behind schedule!

Inversely, it could get worse. If it does, there's a possibility of an MRI and/or a colonoscopy in my near future. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease let me be healthy again....

Making Progress

Hopefully my hamstrings are making progress. Even if only a little. Stretches every couple of hours. Staying hydrated, Super aggressive in yoga tonight. And my fourth successful week of working on the ab/hip challenge. Has to make a difference. Has to!

The Butt Rub has no bearing whatsoever on my knee or hamstrings. It is just there because it is cute. And after yoga, the house was BBQ scented. MMMmmmm. Tasty pork butt!

Decluttering, Still

The good news: No knee issues today! The bad news: constant rain completely shutown my swim/bike training today.

Took the opportunity to continue getting rid of everything that is no longer (or has never been) used around here. Two huge boxes of "stuff" listed on Amazon. And three bags of trash thrown out. Discovered that my old technology magazines are very sell-able. Betting that my years of Heavy Metal are, too. Get that box of Magic the Gathering listed next. And eventually, 10 years of comic books.

Anything that isn't currently being used, currently being sold, or about to be donated, is going to be thrown away or given away. It is just stuff. With little exception, it is all replaceable. And it has to go. No more clutter taking up excess space in my home and in my head. Down size my wardrobe. Clean out the garage. Clean out the shed. Clean out the attic. Minimize my life. Get smaller. More mobile.

Fill my life with people.With experiences. Not stuff.

Out & About

After a successful trip to the grocery, with the kids, and an exciting adventure making baked Chicken Parmesan, Liam went to the movies with me.

Saw X-Men: Days of Future Past. Fairly good flick, for being based on a series of comic books. Some of the coolest effects, yet. A couple of minor quips could be made by a die-hard like myself. But mostly awesome. Liam loved it. And that goes a long way, in my book.

Afterwards, Kidd Maestro took up his favorite position, in front of Guitar Hero. Funny to watch other people try to play it, then watch Liam. Folks, like me, can barely do it on EASY mode. Liam picks HARD mode and  rocks them all. Talented little bugger. My brain barely registers the notes as they fall. He processes them instinctively without effort.

 When we get to the high scores, four out of ten say: LIAM. Nobody else has even two entries. Liam has four. FOUR! My rockstar. Super proud of him. He crushes whatever he does.

Finished the movie and the games and waited for a gap in the rain. But not the heat. Hit the road for a brief run First one in three weeks. Maybe four. Two miles, to test my knee. First mile was about 8:45. Much faster than my normal pace, and could hear Luke yelling at me, so throttled back. Second mile was about 9:15. Two miles in 17:58. Felt good. Had more in me. But didn't want to push my luck.

Great night. Hopefully the first of many to come.

Celebrated

Three days after The Injection. Odd issues at times. Hot flashes. Excessive trips to the restroom. And a lack of solid sleep. But a silver lining to this cloud of mine: no more pain! No more tender spot. No more stabbing when pulling the left foot up. Everything feels normal. For the first time since February.

Been stretching aggressively and staying hydrated. Planning on checking with a local PT that specializes in optimizing runners. And getting Brother Jason to do some massage work to lengthen my hamstrings. If all that can contribute to a better running experience, my triathlon season won't be a total bust after all!

Celebrated with a waaaay sloppy cheat meal during lunch. Big O's Sports Pub. Huge burger with sliced blue cheese, bacon, and caramelized onions. Plus fried onion strings. And (of all things!) lemonade. All courtesy of a vendor.

Great way to end a long week. Hopefully leading to a great weekend.

We shall see.

We Can Breathe

A week to the day and he returns.

Xray clear.
CT clear.
Bone scan clear.

Not just good news, but GREAT! news.

Finally, we can breathe, again.

Graduation - 2014

That time of year again. Another milestone for this wee family of mine. Double graduation at Bayou View Middle School. Reminding us that we blink and the babies we clutched to our chests and rocked to sleep just yesterday are growing up and getting ready to carve their own niches in the world. Maybe we are ready. Probably not. When you have spent a third of your life sacrificing everything for another's well being, it is hard to imagine anything else.

Anyway. First up: Wonder Girl. Meg graduated from sixth grade with Honors. Striding across the stage, tall and glorious. Her transformation this year has been beautiful. And magical. Always reading. Or drawing. And often cranks out tunes on her fiddle that surprise all of us. Interested in theater. Offering to do volunteer work towards NJHS.  My girl, Meg. She is the beating of my heart.

Next up: Kid Maestro. Liam graduated from eighth grade. Officially done with Middle School. And on his way to 9th. High School. A Freshman. He continues to accelerate into his own orbit. Incredible testing scores, almost perfect. An amazing ability to reason his way through problems. And a knack for music that borders on supernatural. Strong willed but huge hearted. We struggle with him at times. He likes to have things his way. Likes to have the last word. (Won't say who he inherited THAT from.) But he listens well and take care of business when he puts his mind to it. All honors classes next year. Two strings classes. And this summer, he'll be driving. Then the fun really begins.

Congrats, kids. We're all proud of you. You've excepted expectations. As always.

One Verdict

Weeks of internal debate. Finally getting a second opinion on The Knee. Switched doctors. If he has to cut me, New Doc can do it where Cindy works. Much cheaper. Previous doctor doesn't use the same facility for surgery. So erring on the side of financial caution.

 The tale unfolds as per the new American norm. Long delay, despite arriving early, in an oddly mellow waiting room. CNN on the LCD trying to convince impatient patients that entertainment is actually news.

Staff member calls my name. Odd semi-private waiting room. Curtains instead of walls. Little boy in the next booth fractured his wrist. But Mom keeps him numb with Minecraft on her iPhone. New staff member appears. Go over what's written on my paperwork. Let's do an x-ray. Doesn't matter that soft tissue damage won't appear. Office policy, ya know? Stand still. Turn to this side. That side. All done. Back to your semi-private waiting space. More waiting.

Next staff member. New room. Actually has a door. And lots of charts of colorful diagrams of body parts. Doctor shows up. Listens to Your Humble Narrator's Tale Of Woe. Had to help him locate the sore spot on The Knee. Then tested my range of motion. Nothing painful, thankfully. But HEY ! HEY! Jon's hamstrings are crazy tight. Nearly to the point of being a palsy victim.

And so a theory develops. One verdict: inflammation of the fat pad under my knee cap. Why? Because my tight hamstrings pull up on my knee caps constantly during runs. Causing wear and tear. Which isn't normal. Then frequent repetition of abnormal stress on my knees leads to inflammation. Swelling. That leads us to the ortho.

And now what? Short term, a shot of monkey juice directly into The Knee! NP shows up with the standard kit. Hits me with liquid nitrogen, or something, and freezes the area. WHAMMO! Giant needle into soft tissue. Holding my breath. Over quickly. And that is that. Should be better within a couple of days.

Long term, lots and lots of stretching. Three to six times per day! Have to get the hamstrings much looser. Have to put less strain on the knees. Or no more running. And you're not much of a triathlete if you cannot run.

If the swelling goes down (and it should,) but running fires it back up, we'll have to move on to the next step: an MRI and maybe some scoping.

But for now, let's hope the monkey juice does the trick.

Memorial Day 2014

Kids had to go to school, on Memorial Day.
Us adults were off.
And had an adult conversation.
Plans. Truths. Pasts. Futures. Her ideas. Mine.
Headache.
Cindy & Meg end up @ Gigi's.
Liam & Jon end up getting pub grub @ Irish Coast.

We'll see what happens.

Robinwood Training - 05/25/14

Great crowd  at the lake today. Familiar faces. New ones. Everyone smiling and talking about their training and their races.

Good to be back in the water, again. Some cold spots. Some hot spots. Won't be long before the whole thing turns into a cauldron. Did about two thousand meters. Felt great and fairly easy. So much different from previous years. From the back of the pack to close to the front. My one strength.

Hit the bikes after. The main group was training for Grandman, next week. They kicked it into high gear and averaged nearly 20MPH. Wasn't on my plan. Just happy to be on the road and work off some calories. Not really much serious effort, but still averaged 18.10MPH. Which would have been a struggle just a couple of years ago.

Closed out the day with a trip to a snowcone shack. Strawberry. Topped with cream. Time consuming. But dirt cheap.

Cooling off with sugar and friends and comrades.

Life is good.