Tuesday, May 27, 2014

One Verdict

Weeks of internal debate. Finally getting a second opinion on The Knee. Switched doctors. If he has to cut me, New Doc can do it where Cindy works. Much cheaper. Previous doctor doesn't use the same facility for surgery. So erring on the side of financial caution.

 The tale unfolds as per the new American norm. Long delay, despite arriving early, in an oddly mellow waiting room. CNN on the LCD trying to convince impatient patients that entertainment is actually news.

Staff member calls my name. Odd semi-private waiting room. Curtains instead of walls. Little boy in the next booth fractured his wrist. But Mom keeps him numb with Minecraft on her iPhone. New staff member appears. Go over what's written on my paperwork. Let's do an x-ray. Doesn't matter that soft tissue damage won't appear. Office policy, ya know? Stand still. Turn to this side. That side. All done. Back to your semi-private waiting space. More waiting.

Next staff member. New room. Actually has a door. And lots of charts of colorful diagrams of body parts. Doctor shows up. Listens to Your Humble Narrator's Tale Of Woe. Had to help him locate the sore spot on The Knee. Then tested my range of motion. Nothing painful, thankfully. But HEY ! HEY! Jon's hamstrings are crazy tight. Nearly to the point of being a palsy victim.

And so a theory develops. One verdict: inflammation of the fat pad under my knee cap. Why? Because my tight hamstrings pull up on my knee caps constantly during runs. Causing wear and tear. Which isn't normal. Then frequent repetition of abnormal stress on my knees leads to inflammation. Swelling. That leads us to the ortho.

And now what? Short term, a shot of monkey juice directly into The Knee! NP shows up with the standard kit. Hits me with liquid nitrogen, or something, and freezes the area. WHAMMO! Giant needle into soft tissue. Holding my breath. Over quickly. And that is that. Should be better within a couple of days.

Long term, lots and lots of stretching. Three to six times per day! Have to get the hamstrings much looser. Have to put less strain on the knees. Or no more running. And you're not much of a triathlete if you cannot run.

If the swelling goes down (and it should,) but running fires it back up, we'll have to move on to the next step: an MRI and maybe some scoping.

But for now, let's hope the monkey juice does the trick.
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