Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Cronyocracy

It must be good to be king. You and your court jester can commit any number of crimes, have a patsy take the fall, then you give the patsy a Get Out Of Jail Free card.

Sometime in the distant past I imagine a meeting between Curious George, Darth Cheney, and Scooter going something like this:

Curious George: Look here, bubba. Me and Ol' Dick, we done ourselves caught trying to extract some Texas revenge on that dirty snitch, Plame.

Darth Cheney: Hand in the cookie jar, ya know?

Scooter: ...

Curious George: Right, Dick. Right. So, Scoot, me and Ol' Dick, we need you to kinda... Um.. take the rap for us.

Darth Cheney: Take a dive, ya know?

Scooter: ...

Curious George: But don't worry, Scoot. Me and Ol' Dick, we got your back. I'm Pres'dent, ya know? I got all these cool powers. Like amnesty...

Darth Cheney: You mean clemency.

Scooter: ...

Curious George: Right! Right, Dick! Clemency. And make war. I got that power, too. I can free whoever th' hell I want and I can bomb whoever the hell I want.

Darth Cheney: Get that oil slick bastard Chavez, next.

Scooter: ...

Curious George: Calm down, Dick. Don't jump the damn gun! Anyway. Look here, Scoot. You just get yourself through that there trial aaaaaaany way you can. Don't worry about a thing. They can give you eighteen death penalties, and I'll just grant you a big dose of amnesty.

Darth Cheney: Clemency.

Curious George: That, too!

Scooter: ...

Curious George: So. Whadduh ya say, Scoot? You catch all the hell, but I bail ya out. Once the commie left wing media bloodsuckers cool off, I'll set you up as an adviser for the Carlyle Group with a fat ass ten digit salary. We got ourselves a deal?

Darth Cheney: And then we get Chavez....

Curious George: SHUT THE HELL UP, DICK!

Scooter: ...

Curious George: Sorry 'bout that. Deal, Scoot?

Darth Cheney: Take the deal, Scoot.

Scooter: ...

And the rest is history.
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