Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Monkey Mind

Usually, I have to fight the Monkey Mind. That's what yogis call the constant chatter behind our eyes. It clouds our judgment. Distracts us. Wants us to do things the easy way. Path of least resistance. My Monkey Mind tries to sabotage my drive to the gym. Fills my head with excuses NOT to work out.

"You didn't sleep well last night."

I never sleep well.

"You ate too much. You are too full to work out.

I'll be fine.

"You are too tired."

Am not.

"You can miss today. Work out tomorrow."


Negative thoughts echoing through my head. Excuse after excuse.

Gotta force out that Monkey. Chant my mantra of positivity: you can do it, you can do it, you can do it. Drown out the Monkey. Trek to the gym. You can do it. Keep it in check, until I get changed into shorts and t-shirt. You can do it. Force it down until pilates starts. Do it! Once I'm on the mat and the music is going, the Monkey Mind surrenders. Leaves me alone with my sweat.

But the lack of sleep swirls around me like black water. Does something odd. Something really really strange. I drop out for a couple of seconds. Like a long blink. Close my eyes while I'm doing The Hundred. Open my eyes and I'm in a plank. I don't think it was a black out. I was clenching my abs, exhaling as I grip. But I don't remember the transition. Lost the time.

On the weights, doing pec' flies, I dropped out again. The first three sets bled together. Don't remember the second or third. During the fourth, my eyes find focus. See myself in the mirror. Realize I'm critiquing my own form. Trying to slow it down. Do it right.

If I did it during the first three sets, I don't know. I didn't really spin up until that last set.

No matter what happened during those lost seconds or minutes, I feel better. Relaxed. Calm. Completely free of my Monkey Mind.

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