The Only Time

The only time I am alive is in the gym. No distractions. No complaints. The outside world dissolves. Nothing left to interrupt the narrative between me and myself.  Is it selfish? Is it irresponsible? Is it juvenile? Yes. Yes. And Yes. But I only live in those all-too-brief hours. Under the sweat. Under the endless repetitions. And the clashing of weights. I re-find my edges. Blurred and unfamiliar. But there. New boundaries. Redefining me. Reminding me I'm not dead inside. Reminding me that doubt is only a self-imposed limit. And that regret is suffering. In those moments of clarity, I am alive.

Then I return to the noise and the weight of my shared reality. With its voices of doubt. And its many vampires. But at least we're all on the road together. And there is some safety in numbers. Some.