Sunday, August 28, 2011

Come On, Irene

The little hurricane that could: Irene. My friends along the East Coast blogging and tweeting and Facebooking their every waking hour. Mandatory evacuations potentially affecting an area with a population forty million. NYC shutting down its subway. A seas of boarded windows. Obama in some kind of Death Star Control Room, warning people and pretending to devise response situations. Then, she sputters out. Come on, Irene! Only  a million folks without power? Winds dropping down to CAT1 level? And yet the media is covering it as if Irene were the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Every single station and live show with their own footage and their own reports leaning into the wind. Anderson Cooper standing up to his ankles in rapidly draining flood water, calling it "a boring rain." Same thing on every damn channel. You can see the disappointment on their eyes. They needed some carnage and wholesale destruction to distract us from everything else happening these days.

If Irene entered the Gulf Of Mexico, you'd only be able to find detailed information online. And nobody other than The Weather Channel would send a report to cover it. Would anyone honestly care if the Gulf South gets crushed again? But, oh, God forbid, NYC is endangered! And Wall Street might flood? Washing up the corpses of our 401Ks and retirement accounts. Credit Default Swaps and Collateralized Debt Obligations bobbing to the surface. They've been dead a while though. And instantly stink up the thick New York air. Didn't we bury those toxic bastards deep enough? Won't see THAT on the news, though. Just enough East Coast misery to make the West Coast forget it is circling the drainpipe of bankruptcy. Nevermind that we've got Hurricane Double Dip Recession peeking over the horizon. We can't find any of those invisible, bearded, religious ninjas we've spent trillions defending against, so now maybe we'll have to declare a War On Weather! Those terrorist winds hate our freedom. Lightning wants to convert us to sharia law. And hail has declared jihad on our car windshields. So let's pony up about $50B for Irene and see where we can waste some more tax dollars. But keep your eye open for Jesus. Fox polls show their viewer still favor his return. He is coming back to end taxes, raise employment from the dead, and cast Obama's Healthcare Reform down to the Liberal Hell where it was conceived. Can we all join Perry and Bachmann in an AMEN? Amen.

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