Double ouchies

YAR! The pain! THE PAIN!

I cut my nails too darn short. Now, every time I drum my fingers or try to pull open a beer, I get a sudden jolt of sweet sweet agony. I kinda liked it, the first hundred times. But it lost its charm very quickly and now I'm mad at myself for getting too aggressive with the clippers....

And to make matters worse, I have a second ouchie. A painful bruise on the meaty underside of my right foot, just forward of my heel. I stepped on a rock while barefootedly hauling in groceries last night. And every step since has been a nasty one.

So this week, I can't operate large machinery and I can't run the Boston Marathon. What's a man to do?

ARRRRGH!