Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Leaning to The Right

Rarely do I so vehemently side with the Blue Dog Republicans, they are the Road Runner to my Wile E Coyote, but today I nearly faxed my driver's license and tax forms to the GOP and begged for entry into their rapidly-thinning ranks.

What pushed my throttle so far into the red was a public call from Ben "Mr Federal Reserve Chairman" Bernake to banks to forgive portions of mortgages.

Waaaaaiiiit a minute here! We're not talking about mortgages from responsible-minded citizens who buy within their means and pay their notes on time, right? We're talking about $40K/year painters and part-time employees who paid $400/foot for a house in California, Las Vegas, and/or Florida and thought "oh sure, I can afford a $600,000 house on my $20/hr job!"

Bernake needs to replace "homeowners at risk of defaulting" with the more realistic, "irresponsible former-renters who didn't read what they were signing."

Look, I pay my mortgage each and every month. On time. Never a problem. Never a concern. Why? Because I bought something WITHIN MY MEANS and I did not foolishly believe some Magic Christmas Faerie was going to keep spinning yarn that turns a half million dollar mortgage into a $1000/month note ad infinitum.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Magic Christmas Faerie, but she doesn't live in your front coat pocket forever. And you don't get a magic house note for the rest of your life once she leaves.

So the Faerie flies away and takes her pretty Introductory Offer with her, and a heart-wrenching "Oh No! We have to pay REAL MONEY NOW!" resounds from the huddled, unwashed masses.

And somehow, it is the government's responsibility to "fix this crisis?" Banks have to "forgive at-risk loans?"

I'm real sorry, but people are going to have to sell their SUVs, sell their McMansions, sell their nineteen pairs of Reebok's, and their ninety seven inch HD Plasma Eyescalder Sony Titantrons, and get a used car, an apartment, and a less-than-Hindenburg-sized TV. It doesn't take Dr. Phil to tell people, "You can't make $20/hr and live in a $600,000 house with three Lincoln Escalades and sixty inch tires!"

Everyone: give back the crap your couldn't afford in the first place, go back to living within your means, and shutup!

There.

Crisis averted.
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